On conflicts in life

Man has made everything a mess, yet claims that he is a superior being. For him land is a problem, relationship a problem, love, sex , religion are all problems. Why this madness? We have to examine together. Very often we forget that we are just one among the fifteen lakhs species living on this earth. But man utilises lion's share of the natural resources and destroy the dwellings of other creatures.. It is a fact that man possess a superior intelligence.Whether he is applying it properly or positively is a question to be answered.It is here all the great minds invested their wisdom. But when we look back at this twentyfirst century we still feel something is lacking. We are not able to stop wars, not able to treat our neighbour with civility. We have invented numerous religions and crores of gods. we shout from the roof top that we all believein God , the supernatural creator of this Universe, and prays to him to protect us from evils, diseases etc etc.At the same time we will do our best to disturb our fellow beings.

Women constitute fifty percent of the human population, yet in majority of the nations including in the highly developed Western countries they are not treated with dignity. Why we hesitate? .Numerous studies conducted by sociologists reveal that before the formation of families women enjoyed more security than men. So only to protect him, man began to claim right over a particular woman and formed a separate unit. In due course he subjugated her as his maid and sex mate. To a great extent the formation of the family regulated the standard of living of human beings. It is strange the advent of civilisation and the inventions of religions more and more curb was imposed on woman.

As man kind reached the peak of civilisations more restrictions were imposed on the satisfaction of his natural instincts. In a family set up he is free to have sex with only his wife.When he comes out of the family he happened to meet so many women. Frequent acquaintances with them developed a liking for them which in due course transformed into libido him. Thus there arises an inner conflict in him between the oath of loyalty towards his wife and the necessity of satisfying the animal instinct. He forgets the soceity , the religious teachings and indulge in forbidden sex. The same man, however, may not allow his wife to have this freedom. The result is that the familial bond is broken nad all the hell let loose.

Another area of conflict is the relationship between man and woman outside marriage. Whether it is not possible for such a couple to have a good relationship without indulging in sex? Why the society is too much concerned and poking its nose into their privacy.Perhaps soceity cannot think that men and women have not got enough maturity to maintain a relationship without sex. Anyway it is our collective failure. In today's life women not are confined to their house alone. They also take equal responsibility in enhancing the income of the family. If the husband or wife thinks that the other partner may have sexual relationship with friends of the work place the peaceful co- existence in the family is ruined. Moreover if the fellow workers themselves suspect and indulge in gossiping about the nature of the relationship between two individuals of the opposite sex, then again conflicts arose. So how to overcome this situation. Close all the doors against the co-workers or fight everybody to the finish? Both these steps seem extreme and not intelligent. The better way is to have a clear understanding of the soceity we live in and have an awareness about our own self and act accordingly. There is no easy soultions to complicated problems, except living moment ot moment.

On love

What is "love"? It is one of the most loved and perhaps the post misunderstood word in all the languages. Its synonyms ranges from the "attachment", a mother shows towards his children, to the lusty physical passion a youth feels towards a member of the opposite sex. So how we deal with love and still remain balanced is a moot point to be examined here.

It is fact that there cannot be single species in the world which does't want to love or to be loved.Ordinarily love is associated with passion.One wants to possess the person or thing one likes.In order to give some legitimacy to this desire for ownership , one invokes the phenomenon of love. Such love born out of desire breeds jealousy or fear of loss. If we do not get the desired we feel dejected and if possible try to destroy the object or the person. However, once the desired person or thing has become our "own" love gradually shrinks. . So this is simply self- gratification and cannot be termed as love. If we truly love a person, it should be a detached one.Only love for love's sake and not for anything else.

Another aspect of love is that we should be able to respect the person whom we love. For example can we love our parents if we don't have respect for them? If a man loves a woman or vice versa there definitely should be an element of mutual respect.Love born out of other considerations are not likely to last long. But unfortunately most of our socalled love relations are based on give and take.They are quantitative rather than qualitative.So unless we are able to find something respectable in the person whom we like there is no possibility of true love emerging out of that companionship. This does not mean that we shall be able love all the persons we respect.In official life we have to respect our superiors irrespective of their personal integrity. In such situations we are not expected to go beyond the official decorum.The moment the person ceases to occupy the post we discard him.On the contrary, if we are able to respect a person who is supposed to be "inferior' to our status that relationship can be called love. Because we respect his quality and not the position. When we examine our our so-called love relations on these yardstick we could realise that ninety nine percentage of our love affairs are shallow and born out of desire to own or based on greed or other motives.

on friendship again

Right from the childhood an individual began to earn friends. By the time he/ she became a mature adult the person might have come across countless friends. As man is a social being at onetime or other he had to seek the support of other individuals to face a crisis in his life. So he is required to maintain good rapport with a few individuals, apart for his close relatives. But most of us complain that we are not able to find genuine friends nowadays to share our joys and sorrows. To an extent there is substance in this. But we will rarely examine the reasons. Even if we do , we will fix the fault on the other and escape. On the contrary, a dispassionate attempt to find the reasons will first point the fingers against ourself.
when an individual meet the other only at the periphery he/she is knowing him / her only partially.One is afraid to allow the other to reach his/her centre.There is a fear that if the other person came to know more about you, he/ she may exploit you. In a fear dominated relationship there would be no mutual trust. Once you suspect your partner no meaningful relationship is possible. In our soceity friendship is perhaps the only relationship which can be formed without preconditions or terms. All other relationships viz, father, mother, husband. wife ,son , daughter and even lover, have the elements of possessiveness. Possessive relations are conditional and fear oriented. A husband cannot disclose everything concerning him to wife or vice versa because other may use it against him /her at a later time. A true friendship is unconditional. He/ she can be a cunsellor, a judge , a guide or a source of great inspiration. Every individual at one time or other may have to turn to a friend for a kind advice ,help or a soothing consolation.A sincere friend will also step in to offer help unrequested.For all this mutual trust is very essential.There definetly should be a willngness to make sacrifice , for the cause of a friend.. Another requisite for maintaining a good and prolonged friendship is keeping on communicating frequenlty even on the matters we think not so important.Don't tell anything to your friend through a third person , particularly if it is in the nature of a complaint. Make it sure that you never disclose anything to a third person that your friend might have told you confidentially. That will cause irreparable damage to your relationship. Don't criticise your friend in front of others. You can vent your thoughts during your private meetings. In history there were examples of sincere friendships between great minds, like Dr.Johnson and James Bosewell, Jean Paul Satre and Madam Simon Beauwar etc. which were towering.

Is America a falling empire?

This has refernce to 'Obama tours Asia as US influence wanes' ( Nov 10).Never in history an empire had flourished a long period. America is an empire built on a capitalist agenda by the capitalists out of the ruins of Second World War albiet its claim as a democratic entity.It had weathered so many storms since then. Nearly forty years of Cold War and the frequent misadventures in different parts of the world had taken a heavy toll on its economy. During the Soviet era , it was able to garner enough resources from friendly nations on the promise of keeping the ' bogeyman' at bay. The collapse of the Soviet Union caused the downfall of receipts therafter on this score.
The two Gulf Wars and the recent recessions created a deep chasm in the economy and its recovery seem elusive in the near future. In Obama, the US citizens saw a messiah for change. The nations in the world over too expected a shift in the directions of US policies. Given the inbuilt influence of the multinational companies in formulating the domestic and international policies , the President's hands are tied. But he had to fulfill the promises he gave to the people during the election,which brought him to power. . . Already unemployment and poverty are on the increase. So Obama had to look upto new allies for attracting investments towards his country.Naturally he had to shed the ertswhile image of the boss of the empire dictacting terms. Nor is he in such a position now. Hence his visit to Asian countries are seen more as a mission to garner more job opportunities in US than in settling disputes between allies or lending economic incentives to the visiting nations. His gift of the gab helps him a lot to this end.So to term his visits either as a failure or success will not do justice to the mission he embarks on.


S. Viswanathan Nair, Chaarvakom, Vellayani Nemom PO Trivandrum 695 020

On friendship

Why do we need friends? Of course when we feel lonely somebody should fill the gap. But can we make friendship with a person whom we can't trust or respect? Definitely not. So the best option would be how to shed the feeling of loneliness. .We create so many rules and try to live upto them.This creates a lot of conflicts in life .To overcome this we need the help of friends. When the friend himself is conditioned our woes increases.The matter is much worse when we have friends from opposite sex. In a good companionship the sharing of sex never occurs.Unfortunately we come to believe that sex is the ultimate expression of love. It need not so.In sex, the elements of dependency and surrender exist.when you depend another for your happiness, you cannot respect or trust the other. You are simply using the other.The chemistry between the individuals change tremendously after that. That's why the so called love-marriages dissolve quickly than the traditional ones.Possessiveness, jealousy, hatred etc step in.Friendship is ruined for ever.Again you feel lonely.So the best thing is to learn to enjoy ourselves without outside support. For this awareness about how we are conditioned both by ourselves and others is needed.Once we are satisfied with ourselves we can make friendship with anybody unconditionally. Even if the other person walked away from the bond, we never feel dejected because we never feel a loss and our dignity is in tact.

Obama's visit

The US President Barack Obama's visit to this country is generating a lot of hype.However on the eve of his visit the President himself has given a broad hint that there is not much in his kitty now..Though America is still the number one in world economy, it has its own woes.Unemployment and poverty are on the increase.As the first President hailing from the downtrodden section of the population,his development agenda is aimed at the inclusive growth of all sections. This definitely has an imprint on his global policies. His outburst on the outsourcing of works by US companies and exhorting the students to emulate Indians can be viewed in this light. On the strategic points there cannot be much deviation from the Bush regime. The equations between the Super powers had not undegone any dramatic change and it is not expected to be so in the near future. Till then US would like to treat India only as a partner in waiting and not as a fulpledged ally which can be roped in during its diplomatic and military campaign elsewhere.

Women and legal system

Kalpana Sarma's writeup on the plight of women , who seek justice in rape cases , sheds light on the immediate necessity of revamping the medico legal proceedures followed in this matter. The outdated and barbaric practices are adding insults to the already injured psyche of the complainants . The trauma associated with the medical examination and giving testimony before the defence lawyer in the courtroom is more severe than the physical pain inflicted by the perpetrators of the crime. Out of thousand cases only a few reach its logical conclusion . In most cases the victims,retrace for fear of further torture at the hands of powers that be. It is shocking why the Women" Rights Campaigners have not yet come up against such grave discrimination shown by the soceity towards women